How Do I Love Thee ? Let Me Count the Ways

by Al Smith

guest blog post by Kaarina Dillabough

 

                                                                                                                         

 “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

 

I’m curious. Is caring loving, and loving, caring? When we show care for someone, do we simultaneously show love for them too?

 Love is such a curious word in itself. It makes some people squeamish. It’s a word that gets avoided. And yet it’s such a glorious word!

 It’s been said that love, compassion and kindness are all virtues. And since this site is all about Caring, I thought…let me count some ways in which CARE – Communication, Appreciation, Respect and Encouragement can be shown in small, meaningful ways, each and every day. I’m counting to 31…a month’s worth of CARE-ing.

 

  1. Do something nice for someone without any expectation of something in return.
  2. Hold the door open for someone: literally and figuratively.
  3. Listen. Don’t try to solve someone’s problem, give advice or offer your opinion. Just listen.
  4. Tell someone that you respect them, and be specific about what it is you respect. Look them in the eye when you say it.
  5. Apologize when you should.
  6. Leave handwritten notes for family or friends…in pockets, lunch pails, tacked on the refrigerator…funny, fun, loving notes.
  7. Volunteer. Somewhere. Anywhere.
  8. Smile and laugh. It brightens the day of those around you.
  9. Be fully present when in someone’s presence.
  10. Give credit where credit is due. Acknowledge someone when they’re not expecting it.
  11. Always exercise best judgment.
  12. Know people’s names, and spell them properly.
  13. Forgive.
  14. Never go to sleep angry.
  15. When you find a penny on the sidewalk, pick it up and give it to a stranger, and say you’re passing along good luck and fortune to them.
  16. Make something hand-made and give it as a gift.
  17. Send a handwritten, snail-mail delivered card to someone whose day will be brightened by it.
  18. Hug. (but only those people who want/like to be hugged)
  19. Know there’s a fine line between brutal honesty and brutality.
  20. Surprise someone. (in a good way, of course!)
  21. Be clear with your words. If you feel your words have been misinterpreted…ask. Then clarify, don’t defend or justify. Build bridges not walls.
  22. Allow people to finish their sentences.
  23. Solve problems, don’t create or add to them.
  24. Warm up the car and scrape the windshield of snow and ice if you’re the first to leave the house. (that’s for all us in snow belts)
  25. Say “hi” or make eye contact and smile at those you pass in the street, on the bus, at the store. (and yes, I’ve been told that in some cities that’s risky business, but I refer you back to #11)
  26. Check your ego at the door. Allow your light to shine through naturally, and illuminate those around you.
  27. Applaud effort, empathize with struggle and encourage action.
  28. Pay-it-forward, in action, deed, word and gift. If someone has admired something of yours and you’re ready to set it free, set it free to the person whose life will be enriched by it.
  29. Smile and laugh. Oh yeah…I said that already. Bears repeating.
  30. Be in the moment.
  31. Be the best you can be, and let that “best me” be the person, friend, colleague, customer and human being you give to the world each and every day.

 

 Kaarina is a business/life coach living in Ontario, Canada. For over 25 years her high-voltage energy, expertise and experience has inspired those she has worked with to reach beyond their grasp, to attain great things in business and in life. A former Olympic sports colour commentator and coach, Kaarina parlayed her coaching skills from the gym floor to the boardroom, working with business owners to improve their profitability and prosperity. In doing so, she has seen people grow both personally and professionally. Kaarina is known as an inspiring motivational speaker in areas such as branding, marketing, business growth strategies, and personal growth and prosperity. She is a passionate, seasoned coach and accountability partner with a proven track record, who loves nothing more than helping people achieve their goals in business and in life. Check out her Blog or follow her on Facebook  or Twitter.

 Email contact: kaarina (at) kaarinadillabough (dot) com   

 519-942-0723

www.kaarinadillabough.com

www.facebook.com/kaarinadillabough

 

{ 102 comments… read them below or add one }

Betsy Cross November 16, 2011 at 10:22 am

Hi Kaarina!,
When I saw #20.Surprise someone. (in a good way, of course!) I thought of Kyle, my 15-yr-old. He is ALWAYS scaring me. He waits until enough people are around so that he has witnesses to laugh with him. I hate it, but it’s a thing he and I have together. It’s fun. It’s what he has to offer. So I get a kick out of it! He’s so shy otherwise. I just love him for doing SOMETHING that let’s me know he loves me. Connor,12, is ALWAYS picking a fist fight with me! He’s getting to big for me to win. He catches me at the craziest times and starts egging me on.
Thanks for the fun Kaarina!

Reply

Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 10:39 am

And thanks for dropping by Betsy:) Isn’t it great when we have little rituals with our kids that give them, and us, such pleasure, even if we “hate it”. It’s so true that, when we allow others to show their appreciation for us in ways that are meaningful to them, we can accept graciously, knowing they give from the heart.

Glad to provide some fun and food for thought. Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday. Cheers! Kaarina
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Claudia November 16, 2011 at 11:15 am

Hi Kaarina!! What a BEAUTIFUL list…truly. And I think the beauty lives in it’s simplicity. If we can’t do at least one of those wonderful actions once a day, then we really need to re-examine our lives. These are thoughtful, easy and kind actions that are excellent examples of how powerful CARING can be…and how profound it can be to pay forward kindnesses that have been given to you! I have known from the first time that I “met” you that you are a sincerely CARING and compassionate woman…I hope that many heed your call here today…we will all be better for it! xoxo

And AL!!!! ((HUGS)) AWESOME!!!
Claudia
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Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 11:49 am

Claudia, thanks so much for your very kind words. CAREing is so powerful, and it isn’t difficult. Even the smallest of acts to “pay forward kindnesses” can make a huge difference in someone’s day.

Thanks for dropping by and commenting so beautifully, especially when I know how busy you are right now with your office. I appreciate it and you, my friend:) Cheers! Kaarina
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Al Smith November 17, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Hugs to you Claudia. Always a pleasure. thanks so much for your continued support.

Al

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Bill Dorman November 16, 2011 at 11:36 am

Hey Korina, great post……….I am very big on not only trying to get people’s name’s right, but the spelling as well. True story, I was mentioning Adam Toporek in a post and I completely mangled his last name; that’s just not like me and luckily he is still my friend.

#8 and #30 are the two I need to work on the most. I give it good lip service and even write about it, but I could stand some major improvement in those areas. Unfortunately, and even in school, my mind just wants to take off and sometimes it’s hard to keep my focus. However, I recognize it and consciously working on it.

I really do try to be outward thinking; thinking of others and as long as I can do that I feel I can accomplish most of the items on your list, which is a great list BTW.

Thanks so much for sharing Kaarina, and hope you have a great day.
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Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 11:56 am

Bill, what would I ever do without your wit? I’ve come to Appreciate your humor, Respect your great way with words, love the way you Communicate and Encourage the rapscallion in you:) [and no...rapscallion is not in the onion family:)] How’s that Al, for threading in your CARE words?

You are a great friend, Bill. You show up at all your friends’ blogsites consistently, with comments and support. You’ve always got a fun and funny take on things, helping us all to not take ourselves so seriously. And I love your self-deprecating humor! (see? no Canadian “u” in humor, haha)

Every day’s a great day in my little world, especially with friends like you. Cheers! Kaarina
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Bill Dorman November 16, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Ah yes, I think rapscallion is in the cauliflower family I do believe……….

That was pretty clever threading C.A.R.E. into a description of me, but then again you are creative like that……….:)
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Al Smith November 16, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Excellent threading, my dear. ha !

Al

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Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I’m a rapscallion threader in the cauliflower family:)
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Lori Gosselin November 16, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Hi Kaarina, Hi Guys!
This is a great list! When I first read it, I thought ; maybe I could take one a day, but I think it’s more random than that! (Besides, we don’t have any snow yet :o )
I agree with Claudia – simplicity is the key! That and awareness. You never know when some small gesture of kindness will completely change a person’s day – or life!
I remember when I ran my calligraphy business and I had many people coming in to pick up orders for businesses I served. This one day I was tired, but I had this thought in mind, “I may be the only bright spot in this person’s day” and I put my fatigue aside and went the extra mile with the fellow doing the pick-up. Turns out we had things in common, a good conversation and he fairly glowed under my attention. About a week later, a different fellow came to pick something up, for the same company. I remember he was smiling as if was expecting something. I swear, I knew from his posture and attitude that the other fellow had told him about our conversation, and he was looking forward to coming over and meeting me. It was such a SMALL gesture, but it had meant a lot.
;-)
Lori
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Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 12:43 pm

That comment is worth gold, Lori, because it demonstrates how we can have such a significant impact on others. Sometimes we don’t feel like taking the high road or being the person to put on the smiley brave face, but it’s even more important when we don’t feel like it to do it. It lifts one’s own spirits, and the spirits of those we encounter. Your story demonstrates that beautifully.

If every person believed that their actions speak louder than words, and we all committed to small, simple behaviors to positively affect (ripple effect) those around us, the world would be a much happier, healthier place. Cheers! Kaarina
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Barbara Klein November 16, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Hi, Kaarina, what a lovely list, I specially like your questions regarding love and caring. When defining love as the form of accepting your own self (and consequently for others) and care as the active form of that love, it does make sense, does it not?

Living by it is another thing but for that we have your list now. Thanks for sharing and have a loving day, Barbara

PS. You will love “The Pilgrimage” by Paulo Coelho, it says a lot about love!
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Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Barbara, thanks so much for your comment, and you make perfect sense:) Wishing you a loving day today and every day, and I can’t wait to get “The Pilgrimage” book. I’m a crazy-mad0-avid reader, and you’ve piqued my curiosity and interest. Will compare notes with you once I’ve had a chance to read it. Cheers! Kaarina
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Al Smith November 16, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Thanks Kaarina. What an awesome list from an incredibly kind and giving person. So many great ways to show you CARE. Wow. I try and practice these (when I remember) and we talk about some, quite a bit here, at The CARE Movement. I have printed off a copy of all 31 ways, so i can see them every morning. Maybe i just might practice one or two…….. or 31 of them some time. Ha ! I can dream. Just thinking about people seeing this list makes me smile and gives me hope. The opportunity is there for us to be an example and show people how we CARE. Now, the choice is ours.

Thanks again Kaarina. Great job.

Al

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Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Thanks so much Al. You know what could be interesting? We could challenge people to add to the list, with the goal of having 365 CAREing activities. It could become our 2012 Calendar of Caring:) Just a thought: could be fun!

I enjoyed creating this post for you, and I like that you’re going to tack it up as a daily reminder. Me too! Always good to have daily reminders about how easy it is to CARE. Cheers! Kaarina
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Craig McBreen November 16, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Hi Kaarina,

Nice to see you at Al’s place and this is a great post. I know some people frown on lists, but I love them. Can’t get enough of them, really.

I try and do #2 often (both literally and figuratively) but sometimes people literally slam the door in my face. Not sure when manners disappeared, but I wish more had them. They should read Al’s blog ;)

I’m okay at #3, but my wife is the champ in that area.

I used to stink at #5, but now I do it all the time.

#6. I do this usually through texting on my iPhone. My family thinks I’m a weirdo and sometimes I call my wife, “hot stuff” ;)

#12. Sometimes, when I’m on my game, I always remember names. Other times, my head is in the clouds and and can’t remember a name. Still working on it.

#14. I can often do this, but remember I have a 17-year-old :) Akkkkkkkk, he just turned 18!!!!

I’m not a hugger. I believe there was some conversation about this over at Lori’s place, but that’s me. So, can’t do #18.

I bet both you and Al are big in the hugging department, huh?

My youngest son is a big hugger, so I don’t mind it when he hugs me. But not strangers ;)

#25 is interesting. I live in Seattle and people are pretty withdrawn. If you make eye contact and smile they might think you are stalking them, but I still give it a shot on my good days.

Big on being in the moment. I love the book, The Power of Now.

You rocked it, Kaarina!
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Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Thanks so much Craig. And you are right…I am a big hugger, but I can tell when someone’s not up to be on the receiving end. I respect people’s space, but I am very physically demonstrative. So if I ever come at you for a hug by mistake, just give me a Howie Mandel fist pump:)

It’s interesting how many people are concerned about making eye contact or engaging with strangers. I guess we’ve become a somewhat suspicious society, but I still acknowledge, greet, smile at, nod at people I pass by…now mind you, not in back alleys in the dark of night (hmmmm…have I ever been in a back alley in the dark of night? No. So I guess I don’t have to worry about that one:)

Manners, ah, manners…I think there’s a blog post, if not an entire book, on manners and the lack thereof these days. Common courtesy’s not so common, so I’m committed to bringing it back big time. Al, I think there’s a CAREing challenge there:)

Thanks Craig for stopping by and commenting: I appreciate it! Cheers! Kaarina
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Craig McBreen November 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm

I’m actually fine with hugging, just don’t do it that often.

I’ve gone from being pretty introverted to much more outgoing and friendly. And yes, sometimes strangers look at you with suspicion when you look at them directly and smile at them. Like, back off, creep ;)

I think you’ve given Al a great challenge. How about a manners series :)
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Kaarina Dillabough November 16, 2011 at 6:58 pm

I’m voting for a manners series…are you listening Al?
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Al Smith November 17, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Working on it already. The CARE Movement IS a manners series. So there. Ha ! Luv ya both. Yeah, you too, Craig.

Al

Anna November 17, 2011 at 8:05 am

I love your advices. Actually reading them makes me remember this old couple that were walking up on a hill towards their car, carrying a lot of beach ware, bags, foldable chairs, etc. I was already in the car, driving away, but when I saw them, I jumped out and offered them to carry everything for them. You must have seen their faces! I don’t think I have ever seen such a gratefulness in my life. That was pretty amazing. And the old little lady told me that I was an angle and she sees my wings too! LOL That made my day!
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Anna November 17, 2011 at 8:06 am

I love your advices. Actually reading them, makes me remember this old couple that were walking up onto a hill towards their car, carrying a lot of beach ware, bags, foldable chairs, etc. I was already in the car, driving away, but when I saw them, I jumped out and offered them to carry everything for them. You must have seen their faces! I don’t think I have ever seen such a gratefulness in my life. That was pretty amazing. And the old little lady told me that I was an angle and she sees my wings too! LOL That made my day!
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Kaarina Dillabough November 17, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Anna, that’s exactly the kind of action we can all take to brighten someone else’s day: good for you, you angel you:) Thanks so much for sharing your story, and brightening not only this couple’s day, but ours as well. Cheers! Kaarina
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Al Smith November 17, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Thanks for sharing that with us Anna. Sometimes , thats all it takes to make someones day. You just never know.

Al

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Elena Patrice November 17, 2011 at 9:13 am

Kaarina, you use the most beautiful words and everything you write and say and photograph is like liquid poetry!! I’m so taken with your spirit!

You had me at … 7, 10, 17, 25, 31 … well, really … darn … you had me at each one! Perfect post and perfect 31 way of C.A.R.E.-ing my friend!!

Al, you fortunate, blessed man you!!

Thank you both for making my day!!

Abundant kindness,

Elena
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Kaarina Dillabough November 17, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Elena, your words make my heart sing: thank you so much for your kindness and friendship. You’re a treasure, and I treasure our friendship. Cheers! Kaarina
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Al Smith November 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Wow. Thank you Elena, for some more kind words. And you are so right. I am truly fortunate and blessed. Especially having friends like you that support The CARE Movement. Non-stop. Thanks again.

Al

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Jayme Soulati November 17, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I love to see our softer side of business. Yours has never been too far away, though. Serene and gentile. Like.
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Alicia Jay November 17, 2011 at 11:37 pm

HI Kaarina and Al!

I didn’t have time today to read through all the responses here (I usually make a point of doing that) but I love this post.! They are quick and easy action steps.

I am a big fan of smiling at strangers and people you pass by. My husband thinks I’m nuts. However, you never know what someone else is going through. That one smile might just make their day. These are the kinds of thoughts that go on in my head!
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Ann Jane December 30, 2011 at 11:05 am

Hi Kaarina..

I too love lists and this is an exceptional one! I think my favorites are #8, #29 and #31 covers them all.
I think I’d have to aim at one a week, being retired I tend to be slower now plus that gives me a few extra weeks in case I goof one up!

Awesome post!

~*~
Ann

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Monique February 8, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Dear Kaarina,

I happened to browse your site after typing “how do I love thee” … So glad I was curious. You’ve brought a light into my otherwise weary day.

Merci.

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Gloria Wilson March 30, 2013 at 10:03 am

Sharing and caring is the most important thing we can do each day. Your list shows us that it is the liittle daily acts of kindness, the simple things, that makes an impact on our lives.; Communication is a good thing ♥

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